In my last blog entry I spoke about plans to enlist in the armed services. I have been extremely busy pursuing that path. As it stands, I am set to ship out for training in 4 days. It is coming to a close, but unfortunately it seems the road I thought I could take is a road I cannot choose.
My family and I made the hard decision several weeks ago after long hours of discussion. The choice to join the army opens up so many opportunities for me it seems like the perfect option. Still, there is something that I think I was utterly foolish about. The truth is the army is a thing for younger people. After 31 years of life I have developed a healthy series of obligations that cannot be set aside. I have a family, a family that cannot travel with me from base to base because they have a relationship with my son. My son, who lives with his mother, would effectively have the bulk of his family taken away from him if I enlist and my wife and daughters went with me. If they don’t, I will leave my family behind for 4 years.
Initially we were prepared to make that choice. Then I got stuck at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing) for two days. My wife got a test of what it would be like managing a home with a handicapped daughter, a full time job, and the other responsibilities, appointments, and duties that come with being a parent. She had it hard for just two days. I knew it at MEPS when I spoke with her on the phone for just ten minutes and she did not utter a single complaint. I knew then that there was something else that was factoring in here, something I overlooked. I needed to know what was really going on in her head and how my choice was really going to affect my family. So I signed up on delayed enlistment, took the oath of enlistment, signed up. I am ready to go. But is my family?
There are some people that may read this and think that there are plenty of single women or single parents that do handle these responsibilities on their own and do fine. It is hard, but they can do it. I am not saying my family wouldn’t be able to do it. My wife is strong, very strong. However, the question I didn’t ask was would they be my family when I got home? Would I be my wife’s husband when I got back, the guy she married? 4 years is a long time to grow apart from someone. It is a long time to change. Who would we be when we got back and how would we even begin to fit back together when we can’t learn and grow together? Am I willing then to gamble on that? To potentially lose my place within my family for my own ambition?
The truth is no. It is a curse that I brought upon myself at a younger age to sacrifice and live my life compromising one happiness for another. So my choice is this, be happy professionally and potentially lose my family, or keep my family and potentially never be happy professionally? The truth is, I should have done this a long time ago, but I didn’t. Now I have a choice between a family I truly always wanted, and the job I really want. There are other ways, harder ways, to get the job and professional life I must live. There is no chance I will ever get the family life I have, the one I always wanted. If I lose that, it is gone forever. I won’t choose to lose that. Ever!
So, the lesson of the day is this. While you are young take every opportunity you can. As you get older the baggage gets heavier, but harder to let go of. You can never go back and undo a missed opportunity. If you are young, early twenties, and you can do it then you should enlist. If you think you are too fat, not tough enough, or whatever, take the chance. The worst that happens is that they don’t let you in. The best thing that could happen is you could be someone better. It doesn’t even matter your political beliefs, and you don’t have to be an infantryman to be in the army. There are so many opportunities (the job I got reserved for me and in my contract was Nodal Network Systems Operator Maintainer). I recommend that everyone look into it. Try. In ten years you may be where I am right now, full of regrets and missed opportunities. I am willing to give it up for my family. However, it is still a dissapointing loss. I will live the rest of my life knowing how badly I screwed up and how I missed my calling when I was young to set my life on course.
A willing sacrifice. I can still wake up and get those hugs and kisses from these beautiful little people that depend on me for so much. It will soften the blow. But, in reality, how could I even think of leaving them for even the least amount of time. I may not get back this opportunity, but I will never get to see my kids grow up ever again. Between the two, I choose the hugs and kisses over push ups in the mud.
Now, back to work on Sagas and Romp!
August 16th, 2008 at 2:14 pm - Edit
Right decision definitely. Not because the the RPG etc. But because of Your family! I can’t imagine I could leave my family (2 years old girl and my wife) even for a month or so - not saying 4 years!
Thumbs up for You!
August 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am - Edit
Thank you for the support. It has been a very hard decision in both directions. However, I do feel much more secure knowing I can still be with my family. It may be a hard road for a while, but at least I will be taking it with them. Thank you again for your encouragement.